My finger tips are holding onto the cracks of our foundation.

Im starting to find my little hole of happyness.

Ive been horrible to everyone. And im incredibly sorry. I ask only one thing, one thing i dont diserve completely, but one thing i ask in favor, i just want everyone to start over with me. As friends. Were all friends. "Everything will be okay", she says. And it will. Everything WILL BE OKAY. Were going to have a good school year, best friend or not. and a good summer is ahead of us. Maybe im in denial, but maybe..i like it. Maybe i wanna live in a fantasy, who knows? Ive learned im very difficult when it comes to change, just like she thinks she sucks at commitment. I have many things to be happy about, especially my family. They diserve a lot better than what ive been dishing out. I dont even know exactly what ive been angry about? So she didnt wanna be held back? WHO CARES. We can all be friend right? Ive finally realized everything she did. Because she did absolutely nothing. she just let us have a little break. A little break away as friends, before we ended up clawing each others eyes out. I completely respect her, and im kinda mad it took me this long to finally realize what her words meant. She gones, atleast i think so. Im the long run, i think we will be friends, "everything wil be fine", like she says. I know it will be. It has to be. I love all of my friends. After all, my finger tips are holding onto the cracks of our foundatiion.

Alive Again.

i wanted to tell you im MOSTLY OVER the whole Trisha thing. Im content now. BUT I let all my anger out on her and amber last night. I hope we can all be friends again and everything will go back to normal. If not i dont know what i will do. Im going to try to make it up to everyone and take reponsibility, no one deserved what i gave them the past weak. I treated everyone like crap. I just wanna be one big fun happy family. Because, Im Alive Again. If Trisha got her happy ending, i think its only fair for me to have mine.

There Red, There New, There filled with Sadness

I woke up this morning, and did what i had to do. I got dressed. And i put on my old red converse. Maybe i thought that if i had mine on, trish would want to put hers back on and we'd be friends again till the end. Maybe i didnt. You dont know. I walked around all day in those fricken incomfortalbe converse. Today i was a different person. I lashed out (not in control) at anyone i saw who associated with Trisha, and i left one of my best friends. Im ruined. Whether she cares or not. Should she? Atleast pretend is all i ask. I think thats desent enougj. Do i wanna take her up on her friend offer?Im not sure. I dont know. I guess i really really wanna be with her. But for the wrong reasons. I wanna be her friend, because i feel like i wanna pretend im in my old life, and pretend im her best friend. Its NOT like that anymore. And i THINK saying no to her was best. But im not sure at all? What you would do? Who every knows. tomorrow ill put on my red converse, walk out that door, and start again.

Her New Shoes, My New Life.

Once upon a time i thought of myself as those black converse. I was happy. Content is a word i would use. The shoes got drawn on, Our memories spralled accross the page. I was happy, but all along i should have know soon enouggh those beautiful paintings would be washed away someday. I try everything to make them work. I needed them, i needed her to walk. Once upon a time i thought of myself as those old black converse. But not im just worn out, Used, and thrown away. Today I now have a different intake on myself, the old converse. Because She got new shoes, and i got thrown away. My New life.

Today was like any other of my newly formed life.

I woke up at 3 in the morning to the poster my Trisha wrote for me, falling from the wall. I thought about how ironic is was that my poster was falling tonight after staying pinned to the wall for months. It made me cry. I dont consider myself weak, or atleast i try to convince myself im not. Everyone falls someday. I couldnt sleep so i watched T.V, and i didnt enjoy it. I walked to school alone in the snow, trying to pin point which shoes were Trishas marking, and what we would be saying if she was next to me as always. But she wasnt, and i had to tell myself that over and over. When i got to i sat down. Everything was....well okay i guess. People were conserned but i didnt care. Trisha walked in and everything hit me. I didnt want her to see me that way so i turned around and cryed to myself. The half day was slow, enough time to feel like two full school days. When i got out me and some..friends went to Empure walk and had some good laughs. I wasnt sure how i felt about laughing, I didnt know if it was the righ thing to do. I didnt feel like i should be happy, but i wanted so desperatly to laugh, so i continued. Kayla stayed at my house, and we talking about stuff. She had me in tears within minutes. I dont like being like this is makes me feel vulnerable, and weak minded. But i wanted the tears. Being sad is all too easy. after Kayla left. My dad came home and told me im not allowed to be sad at school, and jilian told me i was hideous. I went upstairs, alone. And sat there listening to my lastest myspace song over and over. It didnt help, but i wanted to feel the pain.I didnt feel like i diserved anything else. Tonight ive realized i really shouldnt be showing people the pain at school. Its not their burden to bear, and especially not Trishas doing to see me in tears. She shouldnt see that. So ill try my hardest to be better at school. Doing my work. and getting through the day, with no one by My side.

Without the old converse.

You know what? I dont eighterr...

Today was calm. I thought about a lot of sad things in my spare time. I really took a day to just be myself, and it was..nice. I just got home from a nice walk in this beautiful sunny neighborhood. I got home and now im uploading pictures of 2007-2008 to make a giant pretty scrapbook. And when i got home like usual i went onto myspace. And as usual i looked at my best friends blog. And i read it. And when i did, it gave my day soo much more meaning than before, Everything i thought about today spilled right out in her words. It hit me hard, and thats when i decided to write this blog right here.

Life is changing,

And its very sadening to think about. But at the same time you all know it'll change for the greater good. Lately i havent really had anything to be happy about. I go to school, and i sit there. And i go home, and i sleep. and go to school. I like life a lot, and i love my family and friends, but rlly, I dont have a reason to be here, and i hope soon ill be able to figure out a reason. Yea, trisha. You are changing, so am I. Maybe im the one your getting ready to hurt. Maybe I'm not. Eighter way, things will be different. I will change. and you will try to enjoy it. Because theres nothing anyone can do.

-Lindz-

Uhhg!

Soooo sick today. Bad headache. Im at my uncle right now. He only has like 100 computers lying around...My "family" is yelling at the tv. For some reason when a football player makes the wrong move, they feel its important to scream at the giant t.v in hopes that maybe the player will change their mind. I slept over Sam last night. It was wicked funny, and her room is bigger than mine. Thats a first, right? we took a lot of pictures, il have to check and see later if she put them up on myspace or something......

I dont like football. 

For one : There pants are the gayest excuse for an outfit in history, and number two, the government says that we have evolved, but then we have these creepy steriod men running around tackling each other in spandex. ?? What the hell??

-Well im out, sorry for wasted some of your time-

Linds

The Dance (:

The Dance Was Very Fun..

After a Long show choir practice on thursday night, i woke up Friday morning exhausted! I went to school with Trisha as usual. The day was slow and busiy at the same time (: I got dissmissed from school and went to an orthidonstist apppt. After that, i went to get tori and got dropped of at the school again, to get there extra early to set up and greet James from JProductions. (presisdent and vice preseident of stuco..fun). The night was awesome. The snow machine worked out great, and the laser were a hit without the fog. (the fire department wouldnt let us use the fog bc they set of the alarms), Pshh. I stayed until about 10:20 cleaning up and saying goodbye. I love stayed there when everyones gone. Its fun. Mom picked me and trisha up and went to McDonals for a snack (: WOOO. I went home soo tired and in pain. I quickly went to bed. knowing id have show choir early the next morning.

****** ******** *******

The Next Morning

I woke up wicked tired and sore, from a scary dream About killing my Uncle...WEIRD. I got ready and went to show choir, It was a productive practice i guess you could say. We got a lot done with what little we had to work with. Im now at home..bored. Going to sleep over Sam's at 5. and church tomorrow morning...I think.

HAVE A FUN DAY(:

Linds

Today ...Sucked?

"Mom? Is That You" "Yea Hunny, You Have a 90 minute delay" "What Does That Mean?" "You Can Sleep" "zzz"
* * *
I woke up at 7 and got ready for school at 8:30. School..Sucked? My first class...Mr. Nebs math class. He doesnt even care about his own class let alone me caring? Next class, My silent study with all 7th graders. Spanish was next, it was okay i guess, pretty boring. It's like taking kindergarden over again with a different language. Next class, GYM. eww, ive only had it for a couple days and im already done. I swear the teacher is out to get me. And then since i had gym 4th that means i have lunch with the 12th graders and i was alone. Its was..weird. New feeling. After lunch i had my two favorite classes. But tomorrow should be really fun, because i have my favorite class first. I dont have my worst class. And my stuco is running the dance later with a laser show and it should be great. Im also getting dismissed from school for my teeth, which i dont mind.

Ummm, as i look over, i see my sister on top of trisha rolling on the living room floor and yes, im hoping all of you how have been to my house can fully vizualize this. Trisha screams "RAPE" And heads out the door... Whatever? Haha.

Talk Later
sorry for my boring blog
-Lindz-

Ally Bobba <33

Over Alexs and Maddies..
What do i say?

Were weird..i guess? If you think weird is pretending were fat men, sticking the cats in the toilet/microwave, pretending were queens, and playing elements in the woods. Yea.. i guess were pretty bizzar. Jillian (sister) And Alex are making Snow Cones. and maddie is playing video games downstairs. Were preparing for departure to the giant sledding hill. Alex is nagging about problems with Dan, but hey thats what boyfriends are for, right? Probably not, but what do i know. Show choir competition and dance soon. School tomorrow..again. BLAH. Talk to you people tomorrow.
-Lindz-

Vampire?

"Okay Dad, Im ready, Just turn me into a vampire. Make it quick" I knew it would hurt for a couple days while making the transfermation into one of them, but i was ready, id been ready for a while"No Lindsey Not Know, Later i need to run some errands" "FINE! , Come on Amber lets go to the mall" "Okay Lindz". Now amber was a vampire too. And boy did i wanna become one. My dad cept all of the people he has "thirsted for" in the basement. And amber was always at my house, considering she was just like my dad. We went to Bartlett to grab my homework. Me and amber walk into class, but everyone is sitting ther listening to Mr. Allen speak. They look up. "Where were you?" "Ummm?" All of the sudden dad rushes in. "Are you ready Lindsey!". "Lindsey what going on", shouts Jen. "You can tell them, there already witness and i plan to kill them", "NO DAD, Not here, they dont diserve it". Amber jumps up across the room and kills kylie. Everyone just watches like its normal. "whatever" I shrug. "Okay dad, i guess im ready".
* * *
And then... i woke up. Almost crying in fear, probably of the pain i would guess. I wanted to get up, but i wanted soo much to remember the dream in detail. It was soo ...fun? I guess? Mom walked in and told me it was 9 and that she was leaving for work. I got up, and ran downstairs.
and that was it.
This is all i remember.
bummer.

Now im going to Alex and Maddies and ill write more later.

Im just your adverage ordinary everyday...superhero

Hey Guys. How was your day today? Yea me too..

I Woke Up Today kinda quietly. Went downstairs, hugged my dad goodbye and watched as he drove off to work. I Went into my little broom closet and grabbed a towel. Took a shower, and carefully put on certain clothes which applied to my first day of gym. Uhhg, I hate 2nd semester gym. I went dowstairs, and looked at the clock. 18 more minutes until i can wake up mom to give us a ride. Keeping in mind my conversation between me and mom last night about how i need to keep more track of what i eat. Which means, im skinny but progressing to overweight on the dumb charts. I poured a water. "EWW" I shouted. stupid blann water. I wanted more, but i couldnt blow everything i wanna start working on. Before i could plow more into my mouth i went into the computer room, and the computer....was off. *sigh*. I turned it on. Meaning it will take 10 minutes to function. I walked into the kitchen. I walked out quickly when i finally noticed that i wanted food..again.

* * *

School

Very relaxed school day. It was actually quite nice to be at school today. My first class, my new second semester study, which consists of all 7th graders and me as the oldest. They looked at my like im some kinda of exhibit. *DING DONG DING DONG*. What a pathetic bell ring..i mean i know its bartlett but please? Something fun?? Spanish. Gym. everything went by soo fast and so calm. And then lunch. As vice president of student council it was no surprise to walk into the blasting music of the JProductions presentation to get our class hyped for our latest upcoming dance friday. History.Science.English Testing (226). Eh, good score (: and then...home? Was it really time to go? Everyything just flew by.. Huh i sighed. Waiting outside for my sister to get out of her youngster middle school was long and cold. Until i noticed we have student council meeting for the dance. "NOOO IM VP I CANT BE LATE" I run into my school leaping up the stairs with trisha, and (of course) meeting Mr.Ellis at the top, motioning us to slow it down. "Sure Sure" we both agree. Slowing to a stop as we reach Mrs.Morrisssey's Classroom. I receive an evil glare from her and take my unusual seat in the back. Feeling irresponsible. The meeting was fast probably bc i missed half, but hey? I left came home...and well the end? No the begining..Ill write later even if you dont wanna read all of this. Good bye...for now of course

-Lindsey-

Do You Even Want To Know The Truth?

You Say To Me All The Time You Want To Know The Truth..

But Do You?

Do you really wanna know what i think about you?

Do you really wanna know what i say behind your back

Do you really wanna know what he says about you?

Do you really wanna know how you compare to me?

And do you really wanna know how much i truly hate you?

You Say To Me All The Time You Want To Know The Truth..

But Do You?

Ask me, And See If You Truly Want To Know?

Detail is Key

"Boy dont try to front, uh, i know just just what you are a huh, womanizer womanizer womanizerrrr" "SLAM" And my phone fell to the floor. "STUPID SCHOOL". I crawled out of bed this morning and downstairs. Put some clothing on, and sat down at the kitchen table. Borrring. Minutes pass. Dads akwardly walks in. He sits down, and we exchange weird looks. He offers a ride and i say "sure, thanks". After 10 long akward silent minutes, we head down to Trishas (our usual stop). I call "trisha were in front of your house" "Okay". I watch through her windows and watch her stupidly and slowely turn off every light in the little blue house. *siggh*. She stumps out of her door with her bartlett jacket, and big (wind proof) jacket on, carfully watching every cobble stone left in the middle off her front yard. she watches every presice step she takes...

* * *

School was boring. BLAH, Bad grade on math midterms. Me , Trisha, Haley, and Jill walk home in the cold. We listen to haley make loud disturbed animal noises.. Haley's hear at my house now, sooo ill write more later..

-Linds-

Clogged Toilet

Kayla here. -Relief- I'm basically one of Lindsey's good friends. But not really, I'm just writing here. Today SUCKED, i hate being here, at lindsey's.

Okay..Its Lindsey...KAYLA SUCKS (:

Anyways...

Today.

Very..Unaccomplished. Talent Show Practice Today Sucked, and i had to kick off two of my best friends (which is all kayla vote) (just kidding). Then slowely after practice everyone left my house (all 9 of them), and kayla was the only one left. She just walked out the door at 7:30. We played guitar hero world tour,and i clogged the toilet (:

TOMORROW

SCHOOL. new semester= GYM. BLAHHHH

Why Hello There Ila

Me And Ila, Are Back to normal. It might not seem like much since i just started writing. Actually be glad i just started writing because you would have had to listen to me whine about missing her for the last 5 months, (:

Anyways

Tomorrow : Talent Show Practice With The Gals, And Then Goign Some where with Sammy.

Am I Not Pretty Enough?

Today's Been Sort Of Sad...

I Woke up to my phone's alarm, blasting Flightless Bird American Mouth. Which in fact is one of my favorite songs. It was only 7:30 in the morning, and right when i heard that alarm i knew..SHOW CHOIR. Uhhg. Thats the word for our pathetic attempt at a dance group. So i got ready, and left to go to Bartlett High School. Even though some people dont, I love that school. I love my friends, and i love the warmth, and i dont quite mind the "learning" if learning is what you call harrassing teachers until they quit. We danced in the caf. But today i didnt like going to show choir, Becuase i knew our competion is coming up in 13 days. For one, WE SUCK, number two getting close only makes me think about see-ing my ex best friend Ila, who decided she didint wanna be my friend anymore about 4 months again. I still love her. Shes been my friend since we were in our mums tummy's.

* * *

I called Ila, When i got back from show choir. Shes coming over at 1:00 And im incedibly scared.

I havent seen her in forever, and i havent the slightest to what to say..do i hug her like always? Do i invite her to my room? I mean i know shes not a damn zombie but i dont know how to approach this situation. I know for sure well be talking about what i did wrong and ill probably end up crying like the girl that i am. WRITE MORE LATER..

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ila Just left. It was a short day. To Short than a Saturday shoud be allowed to be. It seems as though everything will be slipping back into normal pretty soon. I need to make a lot of changes with myself.

See you tomorrow

-Linds-

A Day In The Life Of Lindsey Nicole

How Do I Start..? First Off, my names Lindsey Nicole, and one of my favorite things to do is capture moments in time. Pictures are my other half, and documents are my future. Anything that i can do to capture my childhood in time, will be done.

Today Started off like anyother Junior High School Day.

I woke up in my big purple room, and took went downstairs to take a shower. I dont like these mornings that i take showers because that means that i didnt wake up early enough to straighten my hair, which simply means i have to wear the big curly brown locks i was born with.

I go to school walk/ride with my best friend Trisha Danforth. My Other Half and my Brain. We both had an F Period math midterm. Which went pretty easily if i do say so myself. After that midterm, i had study so i got to go home at 9:10.

Breathe.

* * *

I Walked home. Following the advice of Trisha i took the long walk home and enjoyed the scenery of the snow and how is sparkles in result of the snow. I read my book for about an hour,

until my mom got home from my Aunt Renee's. We went to Bobs Furniture Store To look for a beautiful new bedroom set for my room, which will be redone in March. Hopefully once we buy the set I wont have to feel so guilty about seeing that cheap attemt for bobs furniture store.

After that, me and mum went to a huge fifties diner, of course with my lack of self control i got a blue cheese burger and fries. We then went home...and well the rest isnt much more exciting then what im expressing to you right now.

But basically i did learn something today.

I Learned, while staring at my waiter at the 50's diner, that i want to be a really nice person when im older. I wanna make something of myself and be the girl that everyone in traffic get mad at more helping the little old lady cross the street.

FIN