Her New Shoes, My New Life.

Once upon a time i thought of myself as those black converse. I was happy. Content is a word i would use. The shoes got drawn on, Our memories spralled accross the page. I was happy, but all along i should have know soon enouggh those beautiful paintings would be washed away someday. I try everything to make them work. I needed them, i needed her to walk. Once upon a time i thought of myself as those old black converse. But not im just worn out, Used, and thrown away. Today I now have a different intake on myself, the old converse. Because She got new shoes, and i got thrown away. My New life.

Today was like any other of my newly formed life.

I woke up at 3 in the morning to the poster my Trisha wrote for me, falling from the wall. I thought about how ironic is was that my poster was falling tonight after staying pinned to the wall for months. It made me cry. I dont consider myself weak, or atleast i try to convince myself im not. Everyone falls someday. I couldnt sleep so i watched T.V, and i didnt enjoy it. I walked to school alone in the snow, trying to pin point which shoes were Trishas marking, and what we would be saying if she was next to me as always. But she wasnt, and i had to tell myself that over and over. When i got to i sat down. Everything was....well okay i guess. People were conserned but i didnt care. Trisha walked in and everything hit me. I didnt want her to see me that way so i turned around and cryed to myself. The half day was slow, enough time to feel like two full school days. When i got out me and some..friends went to Empure walk and had some good laughs. I wasnt sure how i felt about laughing, I didnt know if it was the righ thing to do. I didnt feel like i should be happy, but i wanted so desperatly to laugh, so i continued. Kayla stayed at my house, and we talking about stuff. She had me in tears within minutes. I dont like being like this is makes me feel vulnerable, and weak minded. But i wanted the tears. Being sad is all too easy. after Kayla left. My dad came home and told me im not allowed to be sad at school, and jilian told me i was hideous. I went upstairs, alone. And sat there listening to my lastest myspace song over and over. It didnt help, but i wanted to feel the pain.I didnt feel like i diserved anything else. Tonight ive realized i really shouldnt be showing people the pain at school. Its not their burden to bear, and especially not Trishas doing to see me in tears. She shouldnt see that. So ill try my hardest to be better at school. Doing my work. and getting through the day, with no one by My side.

Without the old converse.